An artiste named Alex Gardega wishes to do harm to the world by painting a 6-foot nude portrait of Rachael Ray using paprika and oils. Alex described her as "charming and sexy." Please tell me he's painting it with his mouth, because he's in a straitjacket. Anybody who thinks this ho is charming and sexy needs to spend a few moons in a padded cell.

A nude of Rachael Ray is only allowed if you use charred up souls only found on the grounds of the ninth circle of hell.

And where the fuck will you hang a nude of Rachael Ray anyway? I guess, in your bathroom. If you've ever got the no-poops, you can look at her paprika snatch and your butt will instantly begin barfing.

Source: Page Six